you want a dime that's top of the line?

a new month, a new post. 


with spring break just a few days away, the concern with "beach ready bodies" seems to be at an all time high. I don't believe in the gym, but from what I hear, it has been packed with girls ellipticizing at a rather alarming rate. I have also heard horror stories regarding dieting plans that are only a few calories away from starvation. scary!

I am not going to claim to be a health expert, but I wholeheartedly believe there is an alternative to these horrendous crash diet methods.  Ingesting a daily caloric value of about 3,000, I have been asked before what I do to keep from ballooning up to the size of a house/ fat professor. perhaps inspired by the Mary Katkins diet, or my ongoing beguilement with fad diets, I have created a health plan of my own: the coinstar method. 

yes, I am referring to that big green machine in the kroger that takes all of your change, and then magically converts it into real money (real money meaning dolla dolla bills and gift cards, of course). the coinstar method is simple and is done sans exercising. all you have to do is give your body theoretical pennies, nickels, quarters and dimes all day long. if you try to put too many coins in the machine, it will get full and cut you[r metabolism] off. on the contrary, if you only give your body a handful of coins all day long, it gets confused, angry, and it stops. 

interested? just think about what you eat, and roughly convert that into a handful of change: eat a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast? 50¢.
drink a 6 pack of beer? 60¢. 
eat an entire package of rice cakes? 0¢ (think of these as Canadaian pennies or leftover euros- they're useless and don't count for anything). 
sacful of krystals after the bar? $3.50 (really, you'd be better off just using it to pay ransom at MercerJail). 


any food you decide to give your body makes in impact in some way. as long as those impacts are spaced out throughout the day, your body will just be happy and keep going. I'm under the impression that if you are kind to your body, it will be kind back to you in gratitude. maybe this method is a little hippie in theory, but it seems to be working for me and my hips in real life. 

ps. if you really feel the need to work out, the only approved form on the CoinStar Method is through drinking. see video below for more information: 

warning: the coinstar method is in no way associated with Coinstar Center^® machines. side effects may include, but are not limited to: weight loss, wider range of vitamins ingested, increased energy levels, and diminishing beer belly/gut.