head and shoulders...

... knees and toes. knees and toes. 


it would be far to great to expound upon all of the personal hygiene issues that plague mercer's campus. instead, I'm focusing my attention this week to 4 critical body parts that some mercerians apparently ignore while grooming. why they want to be so disgusting I'll never know. in the interim, here are my suggestions to fix such said matters. 


the head. 
       whether you want to reference benjamin franklin's quote about cutting off a snake's head in order to kill it (and I can only assume subsequently turning the creature into a pair of shoes), or the sassy Queen of Hearts' obliging "off with their heads!" order, the message is obviously clear: take care of the head, or get rid of it. listen up mercer students, that message still applies today. now I'm not doing anything crazy like asking for hair to be brushed on a daily basis, I am asking for some simple scalp care. please: no dandruff, refrain from scratching your head with your nails and making that terrible noise, and it would be nice if you could degrease before class. and in the event you cannot perform such basic procedures, throw a hat on it at least. thanks. 


the shoulders. 
       see above for dandruff residue prevention. 


the knees. 
       knees are gross. they are bony and lumpy, and really not very cute. but do you know what's even more uncute? the hair that grows in the elbow of the knee. I know it is a pain to shave that patch, but please, ladies, let's take one for the team and remove of this terrifying tuft of hair. 


the toes. 
       anybody that knows me can attest to the fact that I constantly have my nails done. my personal vexation with feet (which was currently fueled by that most disgusting scene in Black Swan) often causes my pedicure appointments to lapse. when this misfortune does occur, however, I do not prance around in open toed shoes; I do not wear sandals; I do not run around bare foot. Instead, I religiously wear socks,  and do not allow said stockings to be removed until my cuticle catastrophe can be  corrected. 
       also, boys, you are not exempt from having to have clean, cared after toe nails. pedicures are actually very relaxing and wonderful and should be utilized by all of God's creatures. 


so, overall, please just groom. I know this post is substandard, but the message is very important to me.  if just one person reads this and starts to nair their "popliteal fossa," or if that girl in my business class covers up her unsightly talons, I will be happy. 


ps. if I am given better suggestions, I will gladly write about them!