I can hardly contain my excitement about the upcoming season of Human Planet. in the most nerdy and belletristic of nature, I spent hours the other night watching clips on the youTube depicting wondrous human tribes from all over the world. I was utterly and entirely transfixed by these aboriginal people doing amazing, astonishing things that their day to day survival was contingent upon. literally.
while enthralled and mystified by some of the unbelievable customs and practices of these people, I couldn't help but wonder what an episode would be like if the show decided to candidly exploit our beloved Mercer as one of the "wild and exotic cultures".
in an effort to save time, I've decided to solely capitalize on the mating and socialization processes of the recherche Mercerian beast. (if you care to learn about nutrition, see "coin star diet" post).
***note, the following should be read in a very sophisticated British accent as to experience the full effect.
The Mercerian tribe is rare and bizarre, comprised of a wide variety of breeds. these highly adaptive mammals range in age, coloring, size, and shape. every year, parents from all over send their young to the Maconga in an attempt to prepare them for adulthood. this rat pack migrates from lands near and far in pursuit in of learning how to take on the accepted practices of their greater species. the goal of this coming of age maturation process is ultimately that these creatures one day can assimilate into the real world (or just to get off of papa bear's payroll. tomatoe, tomato?).
the mating rituals of the Mercerian may be some of the most primitive and competitive known to the new world. the female Mercerian's fight over a very small and select group of mancubs whom are perceived as alpha males (or whichever Greek house of preference). the females become possessive, doing anything to fight, for thus keep, their mate once they believe they have found a winner. the erratic behavior that accompanies this obsession includes aggression, submission, and overall general cuckooness in nature. in the most extreme of cases, the females will even forgo friends in the fox chase of "true love." bloody hell!
*note, it is not completely unheard of for a dowry to be exchanged between families of the fugo's to the anticipated sugar daddies of tomorrow.
if you are wondering how these vestigial creatures find their mates in the first place, we must analyze the indigenous mating calls of the eligible gentlemen. there are two main groups of beaus at Mercer: the hunters and the gatherers.
the hunters are the aggressive, deliberate men on missions out at the bar simply looking for prey to slay. when they go out on the town, they undoubtedly plan on coming home with something to mount (whether on the wall or otherwise). these Neanderthal's are on the prowl. feeling as though they must bring something home to prove their masculinity to their peers, they disregard just how beastly or grotesque their "trophy" may be.
on the contrary, you have the gatherers. these are the social hunters who would rather bring people home and calmly interact with them in their natural surroundings. the gatherers plan their pickings carefully, and are not near as hasty as to what they bring home -as they wouldn't want to accidentally bring home poison ivy or other flowers that could result in rashes of any kind.
the females of the Mercian tribe have mastered the art of exclusion and the exertion of domineering behavior. while this sense of superiority is often unsubstantiated, these lionesses exert cattiness in order to protect not only their territory, but also their pride (appreciate the punnieness, please). this is a characteristic common among animals, and it can be best illustrated when studying how the arctic baboons implement a hierarchy when bathing in the warm springs. while some of the baboons can relax in comfort while visiting the local watering hole, others must sit beside the edge of the water, frigid in the subzero- temperature abyss. those ostracized baboons may be sad, cold, and completely pathetic, but there is a method to this seemingly mean and malicious madness. when a new meager mandrill comes along, there is usually one of the elite baboons who feels sorry for it and befriends it. the newly befriended primate then adapts a false sense of superiority, evolving into a mean girl ((serziously, you've seen Mean Girls) p.s. I tried to find the "this is how this situation is dealt with in the animal kingdom"/ "the girls have gone wild" clip and I only found porno-esque titles on the youTube. so awk...).
in the end, the Mercerian culture is unique, and selective at best. it has been alive and kickin' for over 175 years, and despite the astronomically high tuition those of us not on scholarship have to pay, it seems as though its not going anywhere soon. this fellowship of fools may continue to develop, as does the temerity of this troupe.
just feel free to call me Nigel Thornberry,
xoxo- bianca
p.s. LOVE "Human Planet" watch, become obsessed, please.
